Friday, June 04, 2004
Things Are Bad But Getting Better
Rudy is still in the hospital, should be until maybe this Sunday or so. He's just not as strong (after the surgery) as he thought he was. And right now his heartbeat is strange, kind of uncontrolled and erratic. He's having tachycardia and he's on a lot of meds for that right now. As well as the fact that bhis blood isn't thinning out the way it should be doing. Andit HAS to do it and JUST RIGHT or his blood will clot and he'll have a stroke. That's the hazards of having a heart valve replaced, and he had two. Have to keep the blood thin so it doesn't clot in the mechanical valves.
We almost had a trip to Disneyland planned as a vacation and present for Rudy and I after the Hell we have been through. But of course, in the end God beat us down and took the trip from us as WELL as our losing $200 in non-refundable reservations we ended up not being able to use.
Why God doesn't kill us right now instead of prolonging the agony, I don't know.
On the other hand, I am still sober, tho I have been a terrible person and have been abusing Rudy's pain meds while he's been in the hospital. I am a terrible, terrible person. These oxycodone tabs come in 5 milligram tablets, and he had 90 when he got out of the hospital. I have taken, over the past week, about 20 of them. Not in one go, just over the past week. Every day, about 4 or 5 tabs.
So in a way, I HAVEN'T remained sober, have I? But then, alcohol is my drug of choice- while this has been a relief of sorts, it's not something I'm addicted to, nor plan on doing so. So don't worry about me. I'm fucked up, but THIS isn't going to be my next addiction.
At least, I fucking HOPE not.
On the technology front, I have an old computer my parents gave me. It's like a 300 mghz machine, 192 megs ram, 6 gig hard drive. Win98. I LOVE it. It has the old AT keyboard, which is a plug that's about the size of a quarter whereas modern keyboards have a plug about the diameter of a dime. It even uses a SERIAL mouse- no plug ins or USB for this puppy. I don't think they've made serial mice for average consumer use for YEARS.
Why do I love this old thing? Because I can play some old games that winxp HATES. The old Elder Scrolls games- ARENA and DAGGERFALL and BATTLESPIRE and the like. Play like dreams. And the windows Might and Magic games, 6 through 8. Wowsers : )
Actually, I'm driving Rudy crazy, even before all this started, in that I am collecting old computers now. I have 2 absolutely broken computers in the kids room, they don't work worth at ALL. out here I have this beast I am composing on, the old computer I play the old games on, and ANOTHER currently non-working machine I plan on converting to a FASTER win98 machine (to play Morrowind on : ) It just needs a video card, then (I can plug it's guts back in. Oh, and an audio card.
THEN we have the laptop that rudy boughtfor his schoolwork that he never needed so now it's MINE : ) 2 gig winxp machine. AND there's the laptop my parents gave me- 64 megs 500 mghz 20 gig hard drive winME machine. It's a beast, temperamental since my mother spilled a glass of wine into the keyboard. How about that : )
AND I have another computer that Rudy doesn't know about yet in the living room that I got from my parents- it's old and HUGE. It's one of those computers that is flat, like a footstool, sorta. Not a tower. A PACKARD BELL. a 486! 2 gig hard drive- don't know the mghz speed yet. And s-l-o-w... it boots into win95, and takes almost TEN MINUTES from flicking the HUGE power switch on the side to usable state. Old AT keyboard, and I can't find a place to even plug in a serial mouse!!
I have too many computers : ) AND it turns out that my mother wants to get rid of some of the computers that my father has been collecting... muHAHAHAHAHA : )
Take care! Hope to start writing stories again soon!!
Anne
Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
We almost had a trip to Disneyland planned as a vacation and present for Rudy and I after the Hell we have been through. But of course, in the end God beat us down and took the trip from us as WELL as our losing $200 in non-refundable reservations we ended up not being able to use.
Why God doesn't kill us right now instead of prolonging the agony, I don't know.
On the other hand, I am still sober, tho I have been a terrible person and have been abusing Rudy's pain meds while he's been in the hospital. I am a terrible, terrible person. These oxycodone tabs come in 5 milligram tablets, and he had 90 when he got out of the hospital. I have taken, over the past week, about 20 of them. Not in one go, just over the past week. Every day, about 4 or 5 tabs.
So in a way, I HAVEN'T remained sober, have I? But then, alcohol is my drug of choice- while this has been a relief of sorts, it's not something I'm addicted to, nor plan on doing so. So don't worry about me. I'm fucked up, but THIS isn't going to be my next addiction.
At least, I fucking HOPE not.
On the technology front, I have an old computer my parents gave me. It's like a 300 mghz machine, 192 megs ram, 6 gig hard drive. Win98. I LOVE it. It has the old AT keyboard, which is a plug that's about the size of a quarter whereas modern keyboards have a plug about the diameter of a dime. It even uses a SERIAL mouse- no plug ins or USB for this puppy. I don't think they've made serial mice for average consumer use for YEARS.
Why do I love this old thing? Because I can play some old games that winxp HATES. The old Elder Scrolls games- ARENA and DAGGERFALL and BATTLESPIRE and the like. Play like dreams. And the windows Might and Magic games, 6 through 8. Wowsers : )
Actually, I'm driving Rudy crazy, even before all this started, in that I am collecting old computers now. I have 2 absolutely broken computers in the kids room, they don't work worth at ALL. out here I have this beast I am composing on, the old computer I play the old games on, and ANOTHER currently non-working machine I plan on converting to a FASTER win98 machine (to play Morrowind on : ) It just needs a video card, then (I can plug it's guts back in. Oh, and an audio card.
THEN we have the laptop that rudy boughtfor his schoolwork that he never needed so now it's MINE : ) 2 gig winxp machine. AND there's the laptop my parents gave me- 64 megs 500 mghz 20 gig hard drive winME machine. It's a beast, temperamental since my mother spilled a glass of wine into the keyboard. How about that : )
AND I have another computer that Rudy doesn't know about yet in the living room that I got from my parents- it's old and HUGE. It's one of those computers that is flat, like a footstool, sorta. Not a tower. A PACKARD BELL. a 486! 2 gig hard drive- don't know the mghz speed yet. And s-l-o-w... it boots into win95, and takes almost TEN MINUTES from flicking the HUGE power switch on the side to usable state. Old AT keyboard, and I can't find a place to even plug in a serial mouse!!
I have too many computers : ) AND it turns out that my mother wants to get rid of some of the computers that my father has been collecting... muHAHAHAHAHA : )
Take care! Hope to start writing stories again soon!!
Anne
Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
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