Wednesday, October 06, 2004
I Don't Know How I Maintain The Will To Live. Seriously.
I spent Thursday night and most of Friday in the hospital. I had radioactive dye injected into me (I couldn't even hold my BABY for a few days afterward because I was radioactive!!) and they followed the dye in a Modern Medicine machine to see what was happening inside me.
End result- no clue. The ultra-sound I had done came back clear. The nuclear medicine (two words that don't RILLY belong together) test said everything was working fine.
And there is STILL this horrible pain in my upper right quadrant of my abdomen.
I "celebrated" my birthday last month on the 25th of September. I am now 41. Thanks for all the congratulatory emails.
Rudy is in the hospital again. AGAIN. On Monday night he started choking in the middle of the night, couldn't breathe, was very dizzy. The next afternoon everything was worse. He had severe shortness of breath, dizzyness, weakness, pain in his chest (2 types. 1) felt like incredible pressure. 2) felt very sharp). So we took him into the ER where at about 1 that night he was admitted.
I have three beautiful children. I have a loving husband (tho he is hospitalised). And I have severe, uncontrolled depression. The antidepressant I am taking, Welbutrin SR (180 mgs b.i.d.) seems to be doing jack other than taking away my appetite. Which isn't actually true- my rapid spiral into Hell has been slowed somewhat. There is a Nightmare behind my eyes, inside my head.
I almost feel like cutting myself again. I don't feel like drinking, thank the God I don't believe in, but I want to hurt myself. To punish myself. I am feeling the same horrific depression I used to have while drinking.
Anne
Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
End result- no clue. The ultra-sound I had done came back clear. The nuclear medicine (two words that don't RILLY belong together) test said everything was working fine.
And there is STILL this horrible pain in my upper right quadrant of my abdomen.
I "celebrated" my birthday last month on the 25th of September. I am now 41. Thanks for all the congratulatory emails.
Rudy is in the hospital again. AGAIN. On Monday night he started choking in the middle of the night, couldn't breathe, was very dizzy. The next afternoon everything was worse. He had severe shortness of breath, dizzyness, weakness, pain in his chest (2 types. 1) felt like incredible pressure. 2) felt very sharp). So we took him into the ER where at about 1 that night he was admitted.
I have three beautiful children. I have a loving husband (tho he is hospitalised). And I have severe, uncontrolled depression. The antidepressant I am taking, Welbutrin SR (180 mgs b.i.d.) seems to be doing jack other than taking away my appetite. Which isn't actually true- my rapid spiral into Hell has been slowed somewhat. There is a Nightmare behind my eyes, inside my head.
I almost feel like cutting myself again. I don't feel like drinking, thank the God I don't believe in, but I want to hurt myself. To punish myself. I am feeling the same horrific depression I used to have while drinking.
Anne
Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
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