Anne2Snakie

While some things in life are fine and funny*, my depression is still strong in me. Things are starting to weigh heavy on me again, and I find myself feeling horrible and heavy and unable to find the energy to do anything. I just want to sleep- I am so fucking tired of everything. I am exhausted from not sleeping, exhausted from being being depressed, exhausted from trying to act not depressed, exhausted from being alive, exhausted from trying to carry the weight of the world on my bowing shoulders.

Gods, I'd like to just sleep forever, but my fucking BACK hurt so much when I sleep- I have nightmares from the pain and it's like I'm trapped in some bizarre HELL.

Merry Christmas.

Next year HAS to be better.

Anne

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*we were out looking at xmas lights, driving and looking, and there are some people that have those "machine in the bottom of the inflatable santa that keeps them inflated" santas in their yards, and i was making smart-ass comments to my 8 year old about how santa must have a disease because he's all swoll up. and somehow that became a talk (that was irritating rudy, actually) about how aliens must be firing fungus spores into people and santa to make them bloat up like that. while we were driving past one house, there was a santa and mrs. clause on a front porch and i said "hey, it's mr. and mrs. clause", and rudy said, after a moment, "i wonder what they are eating?" and after a beat, robbie says "fungus spores?" and i burst out laughing while rudy got a little pissed, but it was funny