Monday, August 15, 2005
It Was A Risk
When I write my posts for this blog, I have a voice in my head for each post. Not a literal, schizo type voice, but a voice like how I act when I am writing. Like when I was writen like tha black woman, stutten her stuff onna stage and talken to the crowd, which is you by the way. Or I'll have the voice of a southern belle, or when I type like this, dahling, just hand the bloody wine bottle over it's the voice of Patsy on 'Absolutely Fabulous'.
Anyway, tonite's voice is that of a furious melodrama queen, high on crises. Because it was a risk, truly it was. My father (step to you) had given me one of his hard drives. It had failed on him and he bought a new one. But he had checked the connections, cleaned them, and the drive started working again.
So he gave it to me.
So I started using it. It's been a few weeks. I've been storing data on it- tons of playstation images, a backup of my windows directory (oh the irony is TRULY bittersweet), and such. In fact, I was in the process of imagin a PSX disc when-
I think you've guessed already : )
The drive failed on me. 35 gigs of data are now lost to me. Gone. It was a risk. And now the pain is truly sharp. Favorites for my firefox browser lost again, for (literally) the FIFTEENTH time in 2 days. All those PSX images. Everything. My life. My dreams. My hopes.
I don't think Rudy is ever coming home from the nursing home.
I have an appointment to see my doctor in a few days because whenever ANYTHING horrible happens of late the first thing I feel is the blackness of depression falling on me like a fifteen ton weight and wondering what I can do to escape the HELL that my life has become.
I hate my life, myself, the blackness that surrounds me. I cannot truly say IU want to die, but only because it would take too much energy, so my kids will have a mom at least, if Rudy passes in a nursing home. ALthough their mom will be a burnt out husk of a human being.
Anne
Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
Anyway, tonite's voice is that of a furious melodrama queen, high on crises. Because it was a risk, truly it was. My father (step to you) had given me one of his hard drives. It had failed on him and he bought a new one. But he had checked the connections, cleaned them, and the drive started working again.
So he gave it to me.
So I started using it. It's been a few weeks. I've been storing data on it- tons of playstation images, a backup of my windows directory (oh the irony is TRULY bittersweet), and such. In fact, I was in the process of imagin a PSX disc when-
I think you've guessed already : )
The drive failed on me. 35 gigs of data are now lost to me. Gone. It was a risk. And now the pain is truly sharp. Favorites for my firefox browser lost again, for (literally) the FIFTEENTH time in 2 days. All those PSX images. Everything. My life. My dreams. My hopes.
I don't think Rudy is ever coming home from the nursing home.
I have an appointment to see my doctor in a few days because whenever ANYTHING horrible happens of late the first thing I feel is the blackness of depression falling on me like a fifteen ton weight and wondering what I can do to escape the HELL that my life has become.
I hate my life, myself, the blackness that surrounds me. I cannot truly say IU want to die, but only because it would take too much energy, so my kids will have a mom at least, if Rudy passes in a nursing home. ALthough their mom will be a burnt out husk of a human being.
Anne
Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
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