Sunday, September 25, 2005
I Was Off Anti-Depressants For A Long Time
And it was all by accident. Kind of funny. My doctor wanted me to get on more, better meds. But my state insurance was balking on the orders, and my meds were running out, and some stop-gap meds were given to me. Sans instructions, and I wasn't going to just start taking potentially dangerous meds without knowing how much I should and should not be taking. So during this time, I had to stop seeing my shrink, and THOSE meds he prescribed me ran out before I could tell my main doc I needed him to take care of those meds.
So, in order to make sure I got more and better meds, I ended up getting no meds for a long time. Isn't it funny how things like that occur?
So Rudy is still in the nursing home, and one of the nurses who treated him is under state investigation for being a fucking cunt (you can't be a fucking cunt when you are a nurse, only the unfucking kind of cunt). Anyway, now that I have denigrated my own gender, I shall continue.
Maybe in a couple of months he can come home, but I am starting to think, slowly and gently, edging carefully toward the edges of it, that he isn't going to come home. And that he may be in the obits within a years time.
If you have never contemplated suicide before, or been in a deep dumps for a long time, you can't rilly understand what horrible, horrible pressure I have on me. It feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and my shoulders can't carry it all. And I don't know how I can even take care of my kids because of my back. My in-laws are raising my children. I see them for about 12 hours spread over a 2 day period, repeat that cycle. The rest of the time I am with Rudy in town, or trying to recuperate from just trying to survive.
I play videogames when everyone is gone, or watch tv, or fuck around with my computer. In the dark. Then I finally fall asleep HOURS after I take my sleep meds (and it's a lot of sleep stuff mixed in with muscle relaxers). and I wake up in the next moening, about 5 hours later, so broken I have to hobble slowly and painfully with my cane to my pain meds so I can start my day.
Hello : )
Take care. You, all the people that read this blog, are all a line that helps keep me sane and alive. Thank you, and I love you all.
Anne
Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
So, in order to make sure I got more and better meds, I ended up getting no meds for a long time. Isn't it funny how things like that occur?
So Rudy is still in the nursing home, and one of the nurses who treated him is under state investigation for being a fucking cunt (you can't be a fucking cunt when you are a nurse, only the unfucking kind of cunt). Anyway, now that I have denigrated my own gender, I shall continue.
Maybe in a couple of months he can come home, but I am starting to think, slowly and gently, edging carefully toward the edges of it, that he isn't going to come home. And that he may be in the obits within a years time.
If you have never contemplated suicide before, or been in a deep dumps for a long time, you can't rilly understand what horrible, horrible pressure I have on me. It feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and my shoulders can't carry it all. And I don't know how I can even take care of my kids because of my back. My in-laws are raising my children. I see them for about 12 hours spread over a 2 day period, repeat that cycle. The rest of the time I am with Rudy in town, or trying to recuperate from just trying to survive.
I play videogames when everyone is gone, or watch tv, or fuck around with my computer. In the dark. Then I finally fall asleep HOURS after I take my sleep meds (and it's a lot of sleep stuff mixed in with muscle relaxers). and I wake up in the next moening, about 5 hours later, so broken I have to hobble slowly and painfully with my cane to my pain meds so I can start my day.
Hello : )
Take care. You, all the people that read this blog, are all a line that helps keep me sane and alive. Thank you, and I love you all.
Anne
Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
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