Anne2Snakie

Not at all. Rudy had an appointment with his cardiologist today, and discovered that he will get no better than he is right now. Which is bad, because he has only 33% of the air capacity he should have, his diaphram is partially paralyzed... he has to nap most of the dy and sleep at night. Very little energy... he's on 3 litres of oxygen and it looks like this is the rest of his life. Which means he will never be able to come home. Ever.

Why do some people think that my life is nothing but a holding pattern of pain and waiting for pain? Because my entire life IS nothing but a holding pattern of pain and waiting for pain. Admitted, I am not dying like my husband is, nor have I lived the HORRIBLE painful physical life he has had to endure. But I have another 40 years of pain and waiting for pain ahead of me.

I am pessimistic and negative about life; basically I live life as if I'm just waiting for the next truck to hit me. And you know why? Because life has never disapointed me yet in that department. I used to drown my pain in sex- then I drowned my pain with drink- now I have nothing to drown my pain with.

I have been seriously fighting the urge to start cutting myself again and it's getting harder and harder not to.

Anne

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