Monday, August 14, 2006
Rudy Is In The Hospital Again (Post Written In Strange "Accent")
(yagodda work harda unnastan this post)
Soweez inna hospidal again. E az pneumonia. At holiniz belly is mossly healup, jussa liddlemo time anittal be good again. A lassfor dayzee bininna hospidal. Ivy annabiodics goin innahis arm. E feelzalot worse now whichee thinks meanzee is gettin bedder butti dunno.
I dunno how much more I can take of him being sick. I'm on good antidepressants, but this remainder of time he has left, be it years or months, is going to be horribly painful and terrible for him and it's going to tear my mind and soul apart. And afterward, when he's gone and it's just me with my "broken" back and 3 kids... who barely know me as their mother and him as their father... I just don't see a wonderful life ahead of me.
I knew he had health probs before I married him. And I'd marry him again because I love him so fucking much it hurts. But God- it's a damned nightmare watching him deteriorate and there is nothing I can do to help him but love him. I want to save him but I can't.
Hell, I don't even know how to save myself. I don't even know how to take CARE of myself anymore. Whenever Rudy gets sick, everyone immediately starts worrying about ME because I stop eating, I stay up too late, I do everything that is WRONG. Social isolation. Eating once a day because I HAVE to eat, not because I WANT to eat. Drugging myself to sleep- which is standard, btw. I have terrible insomnia and have to take sleep meds.
I dunno any more.
Anne
Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
RSS feed: http://anne2snakie.blogspot.com/atom.xml
Soweez inna hospidal again. E az pneumonia. At holiniz belly is mossly healup, jussa liddlemo time anittal be good again. A lassfor dayzee bininna hospidal. Ivy annabiodics goin innahis arm. E feelzalot worse now whichee thinks meanzee is gettin bedder butti dunno.
I dunno how much more I can take of him being sick. I'm on good antidepressants, but this remainder of time he has left, be it years or months, is going to be horribly painful and terrible for him and it's going to tear my mind and soul apart. And afterward, when he's gone and it's just me with my "broken" back and 3 kids... who barely know me as their mother and him as their father... I just don't see a wonderful life ahead of me.
I knew he had health probs before I married him. And I'd marry him again because I love him so fucking much it hurts. But God- it's a damned nightmare watching him deteriorate and there is nothing I can do to help him but love him. I want to save him but I can't.
Hell, I don't even know how to save myself. I don't even know how to take CARE of myself anymore. Whenever Rudy gets sick, everyone immediately starts worrying about ME because I stop eating, I stay up too late, I do everything that is WRONG. Social isolation. Eating once a day because I HAVE to eat, not because I WANT to eat. Drugging myself to sleep- which is standard, btw. I have terrible insomnia and have to take sleep meds.
I dunno any more.
Anne
Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
RSS feed: http://anne2snakie.blogspot.com/atom.xml
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