Anne2Snakie

Does ayone read me any more? I hope so. I miss people. I am working on stories, I am working on my site, I am working on my blog, I am working on trying to keep my life together, I am trying to keep my sanity.

Seriously. I am trying to keep my sanity. I sometimes wish I could lose a little of my tight fucking grip on control and just step a little bit further out... I could finally get the help I really need. Right now I'm nutty and in need of help but not nutty enough to qualify for help. If I get hospitalized for being nuts, then I could get the help I need.

That'd be boring and awful tho.

Anne

Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
RSS feed: http://anne2snakie.blogspot.com/atom.xml

Okay. Since the last post, things have occurred. Rudy and I have moved back into the assisted living center. Child Protective Services was called because my father-in-law is literally a psychopathic personality and we were afraid that everyone back at the house was dead (false alarm, btw, and the effect on my mother-in-law was the same as if I had killed her entire family). Two of our three children are moving 150 miles away next Saturday, and when school is out, so will Robby (our oldest).

And generally, things are... happening. On the one hand I feel kinda better, mentally, and at the same time I feel listless and horribly depressed.

But I am writing new stories. And trying to finish some I have already started : )

So, man. And I feel sad that no one is emailing me right now. Yes, I know I suck. But I need people to email me so I can think of non-horrible things! Please? I'll send you naked pics of my pussy*!

Anne

*pussyCAT. my cat, Chobee : )

Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
RSS feed: http://anne2snakie.blogspot.com/atom.xml

Well, first thing, I got got kicked out of the assisted living center (for my own safety!) for cutting myself. So they called all sorts of psych help hotlines for me. Which I need : )

And Rudy is out of the hospital! Yay! And no nursing home would take him! Boo! Which is bad because the assisted living center won't take him back until he's medically stable! ARGH!

So right now we are back home with the in-laws and our kids and my cat Chobee again. I'm a bad person because I've been missing my cat more than I've been missing my kids. We are only going to be home this week because Rudy can't stay here longer than that- his dad is already pushing him to get up and do stuff that he shouldn't be doing at this time (and maybe never can again).

So for right now things are again a mess. I have 2 stories in the works that a friend says are GREAT so far and he rilly wants me to get them done and posted (both are vore, of course : ) I had a 3rd, but I had to format the HD of the laptop, so I done lost everything. EVERYTHING.

Oh well. More later.

Anne

Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
RSS feed: http://anne2snakie.blogspot.com/atom.xml

I think you know what I mean.

Anne

Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
RSS feed: http://anne2snakie.blogspot.com/atom.xml

The first two cuts really WERE practice cuts. They are largely scratches- the longest first cut goes through all the layers of skin maybe 1/3 it's total length (in spots here and there along the cut). The second cut made last night was about the same. Vut through all the layers maybe 1/4 - 1/3 the total length.

The last cut from this morning is a REAL cut. It goes trough all layers of skin the entirely of the cut. it's, again, not terrible (except that rilly, cutting yourself at ALL is terrible)- just through all the layers of skin into the connective tissue beneath and goes NO DEEPER- just like cutting thick cloth over the top of something MUCH more delicate beneath. It gapes open even now, after a shower. It stopped bleeding before I showered and didn't bleed during, so I know I still stop bleeding easily : ) Bad news if I ever decide to get tortured to death for sexual pleasure.

ANyway, total tally: 3 cuts, only 1 a REAL cut. Might have to do better next time*.

Anne

*There won't be a next time, I promise. Unless I do it anyway, of course. But don't worry- I won't. Unless I do.

Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
RSS feed: http://anne2snakie.blogspot.com/atom.xml

Mostly it was for curiosity, last night. I finally did tear apart oneof Rudy's plastic "shave-n-toss" razors, and cut 2 parallel lines into my upper shoulder (parallel to the ground, not parallel to the upright stance of the standing human body). One about an inch long, the other about half-an-inch. They bled, and it hurt to cut myself, but not as much as I remembered/anticipated. I wanted to make sure they were cuts and not scratches, because scratches don't count when you cut yourself.

So this morning I was looking at the two cuts on my shoulder and thot to myself, "I need to make sure they are not just scratches, 'cause scratches don't count. Anyone can scratch themselves. So i took the razor (I clean the blade with a mixture of alcohol/witch hazel) and cut myself again, below the other 2 cuts, almost an inch in length. This time I made SURE it wasn't jst a scratch- it gaped open when I bent in to look. Not horribly deep or anything- just making sure I had cut entirely through the skin layer.

So now I have 3 cuts on my shoulder/upper "upper arm", right where rank patches would go if you were in the military. Not terribly deep- I am trying to CUT myself, not mutilate/maim myself. Just through all the skin layers and into the connective tissue below. Not very painful either, and I have a very LOW pain tolerance. ALmost felt/feels good. Bleeding nicely- I like blood. Seems I have a blood fetish as well as a urine fetish and a semen fetish. Maybe it's all part of a "human fluid" fetish, I dunno.

Don't give up on me everyone, especialy Wandersmann and Nightmart (who hasn't emailed me back yet :P ). I am not on a terrible "mutilate myself and become a New York sociaety dropout covered in tattoos, scars, and nursing an HIV/STD while just waiting to die.

This is more of a- a- oh damit, what's the word. Punishment thing? Self-loathing expression? Dunno. Not permanent, not to worry.

Please.

Anne

Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
RSS feed: http://anne2snakie.blogspot.com/atom.xml

There is another post of slightly more serious to follow above this one soon, so no fear : )

Imagine the difference in your feelings about this picture. One male and one female, same pose etc etc etc.

This young woman (26 or so) is basically nude, though there is nothing revealed so get your mind out of the gutter : ) She is sitting on a chair, leaning onto a table wit her elbows. Her shoulder length brown hair is disheveled. Her panties are pulled down, one leg-hole about her knee, the other at about mid calf. Bare feet. Her blouse is only on one arm, hanging from her elbow. Her head is resting on one hand.

She is vulnerable. Looks a bit sexy. I bet if you saw this you'd feel pretty sorry for her. Want to help.

Now imagine the other side. There's a naked guy in the same position. Boxers pulled about his knees like she was. Tee-shirt hanging from his elbow, and his curly hair unbrushed as he sits at the table.

Bet you'd feel somewhat more like "This guy just needs to get motivated. Hey! Get dressed! I can see your balls!"

What am I trying to say? No fricking clue : )

Anne

Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
RSS feed: http://anne2snakie.blogspot.com/atom.xml

I know that except for maybe 5 or 6 of you out there in InternetLand don't read my blog. It's a Severe Niche blog, and over the last few years it's been a Severely Personal diary blog (when it hasn't just been a Fucking Depressing blog). But that's okay. I love you all anyway.

Anyway, I have been fighting an urge that's been worse than the urge to drink. I still get drinking urges, but very few. As the years have gone by it's been a little easier. Not EASY, but easIER, and I always have to be very careful. But that's fine.

I want to cut myself so bad I can TASTE it. I turned into a cutter around 2000/2001 (cain't amember which) when I needed help when I was having drinking urges. I'd feel the urge to drink, cut myself, urge gone. Of course, then I had to start dealing with the issue that I LIKED cutting myself...

These days it's harder and harder to fight off the urge to rip open one of Rudy's cheap-ass plastic safety razors, take the blades and cut myself. I want to. Oh, I REALLY want to. I know it hurts and I hate pain... but when I cut myself, it doesn't so much hurt as... kinda feel good.

Now, don't tell me to hurry and get to meetings like A.A. and N.A. and stuff. Those suck. Internal docs from their own major docs on the A.A. board reveal that A.A. actually isn't even as good as quitting on your own with no help... the stats for quitting is that people who quit on their own have a 5% chance of remaining sober. Going through A.A., people only have a 2% to 3% chance of remaining sober. Funny that.

So I am dealing with this. I'm probably going to cut myself very very soon. Hopefully not tonite.

Anne

p.s. As you know, most people who quit drinking find it hard if not impossible to STAY "not drinking"*. People who start cutting themselves generally never stop cutting themselves. The fact that I remain sober and uncut after all this time is actually very amazing.

* When people quit other drugs and studies are done as to their "cleanliness", they go to five year stretches to check on people. See how those people are doing. When they do those studies on recovering alcoholics, they only go ONE year to check. Because if they go past that one year, generally all of the people they want to check up on have relapsed and DIED.

Anne2Snakie's Snake Swallowings Site
The Girl Flesh Forum
My Hopefully Spam Proof Email Address:
anne2snakie AT yahoo DOT com
I think you can figure out how to type that into the TO: line : )
RSS feed: http://anne2snakie.blogspot.com/atom.xml