Tuesday, August 30, 2005
I'm Being Swallowed By A Boa Constrictor
But not too dark to be digested alive. That's a bit of a joke, but not a very good one, I don't think. Because I am being digested alive. Being inside of a snake's stomach, after it swallowed me whole and alive. After all.
Maybe I should go back to the very beginning, start this whole thing over again. Back to before I was inside of this snake. Back before I was wrapped inside of a snake's body. Back before I was more than just a vaguely woman shaped bulge inside the stomach of the beast.
Anne
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Tuesday, August 23, 2005
I Had No Idea About This
Anyway, I took a look at the nutritional information box for the donettes (so called, I believe, because they are miniature doughnuts). Did you know that 3 of these contain FORTY PERCENT of the saturated fat that you should have in a day. Eight grams. In three donettes, each the size of two quarters side to side. Man o' man.
It is late at night and for the 2nd night in a row I have not collapsed in a total emotional railroad wreck. I almost did earliuer today, when I realised that singing the song "All I Want For Christmas Is For Everything Not To Be Broken" while I was cleaning the house was a BAD idea.
I love you all.
Anne
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Monday, August 22, 2005
I Don't Know What This Is About
Yon tower, tinkling chimewise, loftily opportune.
Out, up, and together came sudden to Sunday rite,
The one solemnly off to correct plenilune.
Although it seems to have something to do with Pi, and numbers. There is a nice pastiche of "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe on the page this came from, http://users.aol.com/s6sj7gt/mikerav.htm although I am still quite unsure how to figure it all out since math is FAR less than one of my good subjects
Anne
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Sunday, August 21, 2005
Mama Snake Stomach, She Hurt
Mama Snake, sometime, she not so smart. She hurt her body all the time. Not on purpose all the time, you know. Not like when she cut herself, with the sharp metal. Oh, she used to bleed, and she have the scars, she does, on her arms, and her legs. And the drinking, oh she used to drink a lot. Her stomach hurt then too. But she manage to stop that and now she sober.
And still she ashamed. Just yesterday night, you know, Mama Snake, she went down to put herself to bed, and discover that the bed, it all wet. All wet, and how that happen! She feel the bed, and it wet in a way that could only happen one way. The other night, Mama Snake, she pee in the bed while she sleep! Like she a baby again. Like she drinking again. Like she want to die.
And Mama Snake, she sometimes find herself cry at night, cry really hard. Cry so hard, you know, cry so hard she can not breathe, and both her hand is cover her face, and both her elbow are on the countertop, you know, like this, and water is coming out of her eyes, and her nose, and her mouth, and she-
-and her back is shaking, and she is wanting to fall onto the ground you know, and maybe cry so hard she fall asleep you know, just fall asleep as she crying because she is cry so hard. And when she fall asleep, you know, maybe when she is asleep because she cry so hard that water is coming from her eyes and her nose and her mouth, like this, you know maybe then she never have to wake up again.
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Friday, August 19, 2005
I am dyng here
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Thursday, August 18, 2005
When I Cut Myself My Blood Is Green
Oh Man. The fourth post on the blog where for whatever reason I am listing my games and my game systems. Why am I doing this? Must be the methadone wearing off. I had 10 mgs when I got up, then took 15 to rilly get the day going. Then, as the rest of the day went on, I took another 15 mgs in 5 mg doses over the next 6 hours. And guess what? My back and upper thighs hurt so bad today I still cried at random times. Man. Something has GOT to be done about my frigging back.
Anyways, now on to my PLAYSTATION TWO games. Man. Quite a few coming up.
In no fricken' alphabetical order whatsoever, nor even listed by ESRB rating either.
Medal Of Honor: Rising Sun (W) (T) W - War
Spiderman (A) (E)
ICO (P) (T) P - Puzzle
Swing Away Golf (G) (E) G - Golf
Hot Shots Golf 3 (G) (E)
NHL FaceOff 2003 (Hockey) (E)
Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time (A) (T)
Piglet's Big Game (P) (E)
Ratchet & Clank (A) (T)
Ratchet And Clank: Going Commando (A) (T)
Sly Cooper (A) (E)
Star Wars: Battlefront (A) (T)
Star Wars: Bounty Hunter (A) (T)
Summoner (RPG) (T)
Summoner 2 (RPG) (T)
TimeSplitters 2 (A) (T)
Warriors Of Might And Magic (RPG) (T)
ATV 2: Quad Power Racing (R) (E)
Dark Cloud (RPG) (T)
Dark Cloud 2 (RPG) (T)
Ever Grace (RPG) (T)
Final Fantasy X (RPG) (T)
Jade Cocoon 2 (RPG) (T)
Jak And Daxter (A) (E)
007: Agent Under Fire (S) (T) S - Spy
King's Field: The Ancient City (RPG) (M)
Kingdom Hearts (RPG) (E)
Lego Star Wars: The Video Game
Onimusha 2 (A) (M)
(Rockstar Games Double Pack) Grand Theft Auto 3 (A) (M)
(Rockstar Games Double Pack) Grand Theft Auto Vice City (A) (M)
Ghost Recon (W) (M) W - War
The Getaway (A) (M)
Extermination (A) (M)
Driv3r (A) (M)
RLH: Run Like Hell: Hunt Or Be Hunted (A) (M)
Red Faction II (A) (M)
Red Dead Revolver (RPG) (M)
Project Eden (Weird) (T)
Obscure (HS) (M)
Max Payne (RPG) (M)
DX: Deus Ex: The Conspiracy (RPG) (M)
State Of Emergency (Panic) (M)
XIII (Weird) (M)
The Thing (HS) (M)
Syphon Filter: The Omega Strain (Spy) (M)
SOCOM US Navy SEALS (S) (M)
Silent Hill 2 (HS) (M)
RUNE: Viking Warlord (A) (M)
Rogue Ops (S) (M)
Good God. I think that was the last of the console games and systems that I own. Man. Was I anal retentive or WHAT?? Later, I add more posts that are on topic. I will also move the counter up here.
Anne
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There Is No Reason To Mention Penises Here
Here we are - the third BACKWARDS installment of Mama Snake's video games and video game systems. Oy vey. Anyways. Here we are. Now, we are heading into the territory of X-BOX games. Man.
Yes, indeed, the third video game system I own is an X-Box. I had to get one. It would run Morrowind better than my computer could! Funny story there*. Anyways, here we go!
(Double Set) Sega GT 2002 (R) (T)
(Double Set) Jet Set Radio Future (A) (Again, the BEST reason to own an X-Box)
Star Wars Knights Of The Old Republic (RPG) (T)
The Elder Scrolls III : Morrowind (RPG) (T)
BloodRayne (A) (M)
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (RPG) (M)
Halo: Combat Evolved (A) (M)
Deux Ex: Invisible War (RPG) (M)
Max Payne 2: The Fall Of Max Payne (RPG) (M)
The Suffering (HS) (M)
As some of you who own the same games as I have listed above, I have some very loose standards for what constitutes an RPG : )
And that's it! What a large amount of X-Box games I own.
*The next game in the Elder Scroll series is Oblivion, and the only system that will run it will be the X-Box 360. For those of you who care, this is the entire PC (not mobile phone) series of Elder Scrolls. There is Arena, Daggerfall, ES Adventures: Redguard, ES Legends: Battlespire (I think, not sure about the name), ES 3, Morrowind with it's 2 expansions, Tribunal and Bloodmoon, and now, Oblivion. Man.
Hope this post still be workin' out right.
Anne
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I Think We Are All Going To DIe
This is the 2nd post of Mama Snake's list of video game systems and games. Why? Why for God's sake? I don't know. I just decided that you all should be subjected to the same terror that I have to live with. MYSELF.
Mama Snake's PLAYSTATION (PSX) GAMES
(got me one in 1997 even though my x-bf at the time wanted me to buy him something for his birthday. Hey, I have my priorities straight : )
One (A) (T)
Soulblade (F) (T)
Tigger's Hunny Hunt (A) (E)
Tekken Two (F) (T)
Syphon Filter (S) (T)
Twisted Metal III (R) (T)
Road Rash (R) (T)
Tomb Raiser The Last Revelation (A) (T)
Final Fantasy VIII (RPG) (T)
Akuji : The Heartless (A) (T)
The Grinch (A) (E)
Crash Bandicoot (A) (K-A)
Polaris Snocross (R) (T)
Jeremy McGrath Super Cross 98 (R) (E)
Breath Of Fire IV (RPG) (T)
King's Field (RPG) (T)
King's Field Two (RPG) (T)
Wind Arms 2 (RPG) (E)
Medieval (A) (T)
F - Fighting
S - Spy Type Stuff
R - Racing
Silent Hill (HS) (M)
MDK (A) (T)
Spec Ops (M) (T)
Spyro The Dragon (A) (E)
Monster Rancher (MR) (K-A)
Duke Nukem: Total Meltdown (DM) (M)
Duke Nukem: Time To Kill (DM) (M)
Duke Nukem: Land Of The Babes (DM) (M)
Doom (A) (M)
Dino Crisis (HS) (M)
Crusader: No Remorse (A) (M)
Blood Omen: Legacy Of Kain (RPG) (M)
M - Military
MR - Monster Ranching
DM - the DUKE MEISTER
Dragon Warrior VII (RPG) (M)
The Legend Of Dragoon (RPG) (T)
Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete (RPG) (T)
Lunar: Eternal Blue (RPG) (T)
Vandal Hearts (RPG) (M)
Star Ocean: The Second Story (RPG) (E)
XenoGears (RPG) (E)
Driver 2: The Wheelman Is Back (R) (T)
Suikoden (RPG) (K-A)
Syphon Filter Two (S) (M)
Syphon Filter Three (S) (M)
Fricken' A. This does not count the fourteen million games that I have traded and sold and lost and such. I hate the fact that I lost the PSX version of Diablo. Sigh. Anyway. Here we are. Mama Snake's list of PSX games.
I have given the damned gourds their due. never again.
Anne
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Oh My God, The Death Of All Human Life
Good evening one and all. I do not usually make lists, but tonite I am going to make a list. Why should I do such a thing? While I am anal retentive to some degree, I am usually not anal retentive enough to make lists. Maybe I should make a list of things I would not make a list of. This is going to be the biggest SET of posts on this blog, the most boring, and the most off-topic. Anyway, for WHATEVER reason*, here is a list of:
Mama Snake's Video Game Library
(broken down by system, and Not Alphabetic At All, and also including the game type, and Including ESRB Rating When Available)
Mama Snake's DREAMCAST GAMES
(yes, I actually have a Dreamcast system. AND the keyboard. 3 VMU's, 3 controllers)
-------
Grandia II (RPG) (T)
Shenmue (RPG) (T)
Tomb Raider The Last Revelation (A) (T)
Worm’s World Party (A) (E)
Skies Of Arcadia (RPG) (T)
Sonic Adventure (RPG) (E)
Legacy Of Kain: Soul Reaver (A) (M)
Phantasy Star Online (Online RPG (Now Dead)) (T)
Rayman 2: The Great Escape (A) (E)
Carrier (HS) (M)
Coaster Works (C) (E)
Crazy Taxi (A) (T)
Fur Fighters (A) (T)
Jet Grind Radio (A) (The Best Reason To Own A Dreamcast) (T)
RPG – Role Playing Game
A – Action
HS – Horror Survival
C – Construction
This is a set of posts, because I am not sure a single post could be as huge as this list is going to become. Why am I doing this? Jesus.
* Hey, I am a recovering alcoholic and taking methadone, a narcotic drug. Who knows why I do ANYTHING?
Anne
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Now the counter is here!
SPLAT
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Monday, August 15, 2005
It Was A Risk
Anyway, tonite's voice is that of a furious melodrama queen, high on crises. Because it was a risk, truly it was. My father (step to you) had given me one of his hard drives. It had failed on him and he bought a new one. But he had checked the connections, cleaned them, and the drive started working again.
So he gave it to me.
So I started using it. It's been a few weeks. I've been storing data on it- tons of playstation images, a backup of my windows directory (oh the irony is TRULY bittersweet), and such. In fact, I was in the process of imagin a PSX disc when-
I think you've guessed already : )
The drive failed on me. 35 gigs of data are now lost to me. Gone. It was a risk. And now the pain is truly sharp. Favorites for my firefox browser lost again, for (literally) the FIFTEENTH time in 2 days. All those PSX images. Everything. My life. My dreams. My hopes.
I don't think Rudy is ever coming home from the nursing home.
I have an appointment to see my doctor in a few days because whenever ANYTHING horrible happens of late the first thing I feel is the blackness of depression falling on me like a fifteen ton weight and wondering what I can do to escape the HELL that my life has become.
I hate my life, myself, the blackness that surrounds me. I cannot truly say IU want to die, but only because it would take too much energy, so my kids will have a mom at least, if Rudy passes in a nursing home. ALthough their mom will be a burnt out husk of a human being.
Anne
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Monday, August 08, 2005
A Correction In My Web-Site Text
What I forgot to add, and will fix in the nsext couple of days, is I MEANT to put in the words "But I described what I looked like WHEN I WAS COLLEGE AGE while only in the all-togethers" .
Bit of a difference.
Anne
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Sunday, August 07, 2005
Oh The Humanity
Not today tho, that's not going to happen. Rudy's doing as well as he can be expected. He can walk with his crutches, and has some use back in his left hand tho his speech gets all slow and he finds it hard to push the words out. He's gotten so much exPERience at having strokes, it's like having it down to a fine art. Pass me the wine dahling. No, not a glass, the bottle. Thank you, dahling.
I slept wrong (how can you fucking SLEEP wrong, my younger readers ask, in that snotty way the young have) the other night and woke up with both of my legs numb from the waist to my ankles. Yesterday I got most of the feeling back, except for some numb spots on my upper thighs. This morning, I woke up and most of the numbness was gone from my right leg, and the numbness on my left leg was slowly going away.
It has been replaced by Burning Pinched Irritated Actual Fire Under My Skin Nerve Pain. Just touching the skin gently with my fingertips is LITerally like it was on fire, stripped and torn, and the gentle touch was lashing the wound with a whip soaked in rubbing alcohol.
God loves us, and Heavenly Father wishes for each of us to have love and joy on this earth. And Rudy and I have been repeatedly buttfucked, with no lubrication, with a masochists All New Extra Pounding Anal Destroyer where the settings are stuck on 'Literal Ass Destoyer' and there is no OFF switch, ever since our first wedding anniversary.
Some people might like that. We don't. I was talking with a friend of mine today, and she was talking about how when Rudy and I got married, there was such joy around us. You could see and feel it on and around us. And since then- well, read again the above paragraph about Anal Destroyer, et al.
I literally do not know what I am going to do.
Anne
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Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Why Does Fate Tempt Me With Sweet Death?
Where, when I got there, I discovered he was in the process oif having another stroke.
The only man I have ever loved. The father of our beautiful children. A young man (in that I am, at 41, a young woman). And he is in the hospital again recovering from his SECOND FUCKING EMBOLISTIC STROKE. Can there actually be a God? I don't understand this universe or the rules within it.
If he dies, I will die. Because I will ensure this. Through confusion and despair, rilly.
I am so, so tired.
Anne
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